The World According To Cortney Gee

I tell ya Red Tails is tale better told by HBO

2012-01-23T02:22:00.000-05:00

Went to go see Red Tails with the wife i tried my best to be objective and not over critical of the flick based on the good and bad things Ive read and heard. First thing that I noticed when I went into the theatre there was more white people in the seats than black people. Seeing that is Sunday last show i figured the good black folks had already made good on answering the pleads of Lucas and Black Hollywood to support and my habitually late ass was n the company of white people that were curious or had seen enough Underworld sequels to waste their time and cash on more lycan and nosferatu tales.
When the previews had finished and i was already half way finished with my popcorn and diet coke, i was shocked that George Lucas used font for the credits that reminding me of TV movies like Tora Tora Tora. The movie had great air fight scenes but for the life of me I couldn't understand why a historical story that was rich in essence was given such a corny script. The love angle could have been nixed especially if there wasn't going to be a love scene.
I found the acting of Neyo to be annoying but then again I ind Neyo to be annoying and Method Man couldn't keep a southern accent for more than a sentence, shaolin Island just kept coming through in his limited dialogue. Cuba Gooding Jr wasn't Jerry McGuire good but he was steady. Terrence Howard was cool , but I kept thinking I was looking at Hart's War . I thought Lucas really captured the villian german pilot perfectly... but this was supposed to be the story which glorified the courageous Tuskegee airmen and not The Lufwaffen. The ending seemed like they ran out of shit to say.
All in all I found the movie more of a remake of the fabulous HBO flick with better fight scenes and less substance.
I expected and demanded better. Come on George . I hate to admit it but the previews of Tyler Perry's Good Deeds seemed more interesting and I'm no TeamTyler member.

Twas the Night Before Christmas

2011-12-23T23:43:00.000-05:00

Three minutes after this picture was taken so was my naivety about Christmas and That Jolly Ole Soul Saint Nick. What the cameraman didn’t record was my complete fear of sitting on this fat dude’s lap and how I pissed my pants and soiled his suit. My warm wet offerings prompting him to call me a little black son of a bitch.

An insult that didn’t phase me none the bit but infuriated my mother, seeing she had birthed me and was the so called bitch Santa had referred to. She quickly jumped into his ass letting him know the only bitch in the room was wearing the pissy red suit. Even at the tender age of three I knew that my mom didn’t leave the house without her trusted 38 special. I wasn’t sure if the North Pole’s most famous resident was aware of this fact, but I gathered from my mother’s tone and her reaching into her purse he was sure to find out. Feeling that my uncontrolled bladder was the cause of Santa about to be smoked I pleaded with my mamma to let it go and to give the fat guy a pass. She snatched me up and told me look there ain’t no damn Easter Bunny, Tooth Fairy or fucking Santa Claus . She on to tell me since she could remember parents had been lying to kids to help merchants cash in on the imaginations of their children. Well as far as she was concerned she was done doing her part in the farce. I think back on that day in December of 1971 as the loss of my innocence and also as the day I began to focus on the real meaning of Christmas . It wasn’t like I had to be bogged down with that naughty or nice bullshit my friends were consumed by. On Christmas Eve I slept like a baby because I had two parents that had well paying jobs and had been good enough since the last celebration of the baby Jesus birthday to get some of the stuff I wanted and most of the things I needed. Thank GOD.

Forty Three years later there is a movement to remove all the Christ from the holiday and folks seemed to be content with it. I am not one of those people. I rejoice when I see people on the social networks reclaiming the Christ in Christmas. I say this and I’m no Jesus Freak .

I am a believer !

Not only am I a believer, I’m a fearful believer and I refuse to let Satan’s Clause to cloud this Holiday Season without putting in my two cents.

Maybe we need to bring back Jesus into our everyday lives then it might be easier to accept the importance of HIS presence on December 25^th, and this is being written by someone that pee’d on Santa.

Legends don't die...

2011-10-17T15:42:00.000-04:00

This trip has me doing USO duty along with Joey Medina a very funny latin comedian ,NBA LEGEND Nate Tiny Archibald, and the Los Angeles Laker Girls .We are here to promote good will and inspire moral to and for the troops . I know that some of the men that are reading this entry of the world are thinking damn Cortney has it made he is out about frolicking around with the Laker Girls at the beach ... well let me tell you after being with them for 8 days let me tell you hanging out with them ain’t all it would seem ..in other words none of the Laker Girls were fucking ... now had we been traveling with the Clipper Girls it would have been a whole different tale , cause the Clipper girls are fucking ... I guess the worst your team is the more the cheer dance squad has to put out to keep fans in the stadium. I’m just playing the Laker girls were dear hearts and a true class act ...

I didn’t know what to expect when I met Tiny Archibald , though there was no doubt that he deserves his place in history as one of the flyest points in the history of the game ( seeing he led the NBA in scoring and assist in the same season a feat yet to be duplicated ) he did have the misfortune of playing with the Boston Celtics and Larry Bird . I’m from Cleveland you grow up hating the Celtics in Cleveland and for good reason Boston used to beat our ass . The first thing I noticed about “Tiny was that his ass wasn’ t so damn Tiny he is about 6’2 ,and he still has the competitive spirit that put him in the Basketball Hall of Fame in 91’. We sat next to each other trading old basketball stories , his were at a more major level than mine of course . I mean I can brag about playing against Anthony Mason and scoring 17 points in college ,but Tiny had stories like how he scored 31 on Jerry west , or 25 on George Gervin. So I guess you could say our conversation went from being a two way conversation to a interview this man is truly a encylopedia full of NBA knowledge .During our chat I made the mistake of asking him if he could still play and he took that as a challenge .Now do understand Nate is all of 50 years old .. so I didn’t fret when he asked me if I wanted to play a friendly game . If I would have known what I know now I would have blown it off like man you don’t want none of this ... but oh nah my ego had to get in the way and I accepted .So as soon as we land in Egypt we don shorts and lace up sneakers ... The Laker Girls followed us over to the gym and so does a small crowd of onlookers ....ok ok I’ll be honest the entire base shows up to see this game . Now our lil friendly game has taken on a whole new life ... cause now I realize that there is a chance that I might lose to a 50 year old man in front of many that would live to tell the tale . This thought alone made me lace up my sneakers just a lil bit tighter and put on my game face . Now do understand that Nate already has his game face on ... cause he had even more at risk to lose than I did. Hell I was just a decent college player that no one remembers .If I lose the crowd thinks it’s a set up the comedian lost to the legend the other hand this man has torched and been torched by the best and me beating him didn’t fit into the equation. We met at the top of the key and he said Die ... I was like you mean do I want to shoot do or die ?( for those unfamiliar with street hoops this is when a player shoots the shot to see whom recieves the ball first ) Nate quietly and coldly said “Nah I meant are you ready to die a slow death ?”

Well now my ego really went into full gear and helped my mouth to return this reply, “Yeah it’s gonna be a shame that I beat on one of my idols ... do you need me to spot you a few points?” Nate proceeded to make 4 straight shots that he was so kind to call where they were coming from and how they were going to hit the net SWISH!!!

Game is 12 so I’m feeling the pressure to put up some points cause I ‘ll be damned if I’m gonna be skunked by a man old enough to be my father . Don’t get me wrong there is nothing wrong with being 50 , it’s a great age time I can’t wait to be fifty ,when you are fifty you are afforded excuse for not being in the best of shape , when you don’t want to do something you can blame it on your memory fading ,now that I think of it child support will be a memory and I’ll finally be free of the grip that my babies momma has on me .I guess what I’m saying I don’t think it’s good for the 30 year old ego for a man with less mileage on his knees to lose to someone that ‘s half way to 100. There is no way I could explain to my dad how I got beat by a man 50 years old though I could tell him I slept with Pam Grier whom is 50 and he would hold me in the same revere as he does Elijah Muhammed and Malcolm X . Cause if I was to sleep with Pam Grier ,my father and all of his friends could live their lives vicariously through my johnson .Matter of fact my uncles wouldn’t ever let me wash my self anymore I would have to get it bronzed and upon request I would have to pull it out so that they could pay homage to the Johnson that enjoyed an icon . To be honest I could sleep with Lena Horne and they wouldn’t trip ... one of my uncles is so stank I could dig up Dorothy Dandridge and sleep with her corpse and he would be like ... Cortney you da man!! Well the man I wasn’t cause I’m going to tell you Tiny beat the shit outta me... he is truly to be respected for his skill level ( but I would be lying if I didn’t tell you I wanted to trip his ass when he was going for game point.)

Right now I’m sitting on a nude beach with a laptop on covering my private area wearing a baseball cap and a wicked grin. The people here on the beach are mostly from Italy... ths place is somewhat of a resort for them, I find it strange that the Egyptians would allow such freedom seeing that they keep themselves shrouded in cloth from head to toe due to their religious beliefs . Makes me gather that financial gain and religious conviction doesn’t go hand and hand to them.

Let me be the first to tell you NUDE BEACHES are not all they are cracked up to be . I would bet that the majority of the visitors to this spot are like the ones that have been passing me by leaving me in digust. I don’t know why over weight older people have this incredible urge to prance around in their birthday suits . Damn and I was all geeked up to be surrounded by italian beauties , instead I feel like I’m in Miami at a senior citizens home ,the washing machines are out of order and the residents decided not to give a fuck whether they had swim wear or not.I find it truly appaulling that I am one of the few in shape people on the sand ,and believe me I ain’t that in shape .. I used to have a six pack , now I’m working on a small keg for a stomach.Seeing there is no real sights to see here besides the geriatric posse

I’ve decided to inform my online family and friends about my adventures here in The Middle East .

old tales from abroad not a broad

2011-10-17T15:29:00.000-04:00

Journal entry from 10 years ago

I've just recently returned from a very interesting trip ( Eastern Mediterranean ) . I saw many things that tripped me out , while growing up in Cleveland I would have never imagined seeing anything like The Holy land, land of the Pyramids etc. It all started in Sept. 14th at LAX .... I think that LA 's airport is the strangest place in the world I remember when I first landed here and saw women in underwear and high heels , Nuns begging , HiraKrishners harrassing people like Jehovah Witnesses and Movie stars trying to act like a pair of sunglasses was a perfect disguise that I had landed in either Sodom or Gormorah ( take your pick ... New York will be the other city you can't turn and look back on. I'm actually thinking about getting a house in the desert .. seeing that when GOD decides the city of Lost Angeles needs to be underwater ... I'll have beachfront property.) I do love the workers at LAX , they see enough TV personalities not to be impressed at all. As I was checking in my bags one of the porters was doing his security drag asking me those dumb ass questions that no real terrorist in his right mind would ever answer incorrectly. No it's the smart ass comedians that want to poke fun and play word games . Like when he asked me has anyone had the possession of your bag without your knowledge and I asked him if it was without my knowledge how would I know ( he didn't like that !) Or has anyone body strange asked you to transport something for them? I told them that my strange 5 year old son asked me to take a clay model of a dog he made that looks more like a Hippo to me ... but he says it's a dog then it's a dog. He frowned and told me that I was not funny , not even on Comicview . I wasn't pressed about what he thought of my talent and his opinion didn't jeopardize his tip from me... seeing I was giving his disgruntle bad career for his happiness choosing ass a tip anyway . I took OJ Simpson flight though the airport cause he held me up , and when I got to my gate I had some extra time on my hand so I decided to have a Martini... I know it was before 12 noon and I hadn't had breakfast hey I was listening to Frank Sinatra 's Duets it was like paying homage to a true playa plus a martini does have some nutritional value OLIVE is a vegetable.

TWA FLIGHT to Tel Aviv

I'm on a TWA flight bound for Tel Aviv as I write this letter to all of you. I'm normally not comfortable on a TWA flight seeing that they have had trouble of late keeping their aircraft above the ground in one piece,but their are so many holy men and women (JEWISH) flying with me ... I've found peace. Even if they don't believe that Jesus is the savior it's all good hhehehehee. From my understanding Yahweh and GOD are the same person ( being )....... I figure GOD must be with these people they have survived Pharoah, Hitler and they make good movies too ( SPEILBERGH is the bomb .... thought I would drop that in there just in case someone decided to playa hate and give him this hahahahahaha)

I'm glad to be going back to Europe especially Italy ( I'm touring Isreal,Turkey, Jordan, Syria, and Italy), I love Italy cause that's the only place besides the projects in Cleveland kids sit at dinner table and toss back glasses of wine.When I was last in Rome I was put under the table trying to hang with a 3 year old . I had 5 glasses of Merlot , he put a nipple on a bottle and went to work....

I like the shoes there so I plan on getting a few pair ..for myself PLEASE no request ..this ain't XMAS and your birthday is only important to you and your insurance company =)

What I'll do is try to keep a journal of this trip I'm sure something xciting is bound to happen... especially with all the playa hating going on in DC.The senate is going to mess around and press Bill into starting a war just so his tenure ends with a bang instead of banging an intern.

I'm sitting in my hotel room ( AMMAN, JORDAN ) thinking about my travels and I thought to share my thoughts with all of you. Today began as any I rose I washed my ass and I shaved, unfortunately I picked up some razors at the 99cent store( guess how much they cost?) which nicked the shit out the back of my head. So here I am having to go to breakfast in a four star hotel with a band aid on ala Marcellus ( PULP FICTION). The other comedians and I decided since today was our day off we would do some site seeing and shopping ( hell nah I didn't get you nothing !!!!!) First stop the Jordan Museum which is a medium sized building full of OLD shit. There we saw the RUINS of one of the oldest churches known to man .Oh let me tell you what I found out RUINS mean ... NO AIR CONDITIONER and MANY FLIES. I 'm telling you it' s hot as fish grease in Jordan and if the heat don't beat you the pesky ass flies will. The flies ain't your everyday kinda fly these are ones with attitude I mean you can blow at them and they just keep laying on you ... you can run away from the area in which you first encountered it and that fly will follow you. These are the CARE commercial kinda flies , if one lands on your watermelon he might ask you to put some salt on it.

Next stop was the TEMPLE OF MOSES... this is where MOSES looked from and saw the PROMISED LAND ( did you know he never got there? He died right where I was cause he doubted GOD.) There is a beautiful church there oh yeah one thing though it's a RUIN so there wasn't no A/C up in that camp so I couldn't stay through the whole sermon.

Next stop was the DEAD SEA. We all decided that we would take a swim in the natural healing waters of the famous sea.What we didn' t realize was that you can't swim in the DEAD SEA ... the water is so full of salt that it can make a whale float, I know this to be true for I was floating like I was in a easy chair without trying to. =) What I also failed to realize was that my nicked bald head would be set a fire... oh my goodness I was in a kinda pain that was worst than I can't say I've ever felt , oh that was until I mistakingly got some of that shit in my eyes yo I was blinder than Stevie Wonder. Well needless to say after that HEALING EXPERIENCE I had been touristed the fuck out so I took my battered and bruised ass back to my hotel room .

Oh if you ladies are wondering what the fashion is like here let me tell you , mostly the ladies have on the three layers of dresses and head wraps and they doing this in 98 degree weather , sometimes in RUINS. So if you ever thought that you might wanna marry one of those wealthy arabs you better be leary cause Versace will not be your everyday wear as a matter of fact Versace won't be your anyday wear. The women's right thing hasn't hit the Middle East either so if you are the kinda lady that's aggresive and willing to challenge your man ... do yourself a favor , don't come here.* One more lil note for you ladies if you are a playa hater don't aspire to be a queen here... Men are allowed 4 wives .

( ON STRIKE IN TURKEY)

Hello friends believe it or not I'm sitting here in Turkey between a picket line. Yep the Turkish Workers Union and the US Government are having a big thing to do. It's so much of a thing that this portion of my tour has all but been cancelled due to lack of accomodations and transportation while in Turkey , oh but in true AMERICAN SPIRIT they forgot to inform Washington of the cancellation of my performance. I arrived into Izsmir from Jordan ( land of RUINS) on Monday morning 1 am , I waited for our ride to come pick our group up and I waited and I waited and we all continued to wait until MY CLEVELAND INTUITION kicks in and I said hey maybe , just maybe they aren't coming how about instead of waiting outside ( where it was approoaching 40 degrees) maybe we should get a hotel and get with our host in the Morning . So I called a 4 star hotel seeing that it was going to be on the US Government ( and plus the fact the FASCIST IRS took my 4000.00 tax return and gave it to the Student Loan Communist Party) and booked us some rooms . Much to my surprise the kind attendant told me that a nights stay would only be 19 dollars , damn only 19 bucks for a 4 star hotel ( I thought hey maybe here in Izsmir Motel 6 is the shit! I informed my party of the low rate and they pronounced me a genius ( and you wonder why Iike working with these people ... they recognize true intellect ...hehehehehe) , and we hired a cab to take us to a hotel that was close to the base that we were supposed to be performing at. The USO also had a band of young Mariachi's playing the bases so it took 3 cabs to accomodate all of us and our belongings at 20 dollar apiece. Now that was the best 20 dollars spent in this country, cause the taxi drivers over here have no rules, no fear and no speed limit. Man that 20 was like our admission to Magic Mountain. Our drivers decided to race ... and I had the Racer X for my cabby. We were ahead of the pack for most of the way until one of the turkish grand prix drivers I mean cabbies cut us off ... that bastard ! So my driver Elman took an aggressive stance and rubbed him almost off the road, big points for Elman earned himself a five dollar tip ... I hate losing ! The third driver didn't even figure into the race seeing that he had hit a dog , not that he slowed down to see if the pup was ok .. the bump just put him in dead last no pun intended . Upon arriving at the hotel the kind attendant had our party sign in and asked for our money to stay ... I pulled out a 20 and told him that he could keep the change you laugh but an american dollar can stretch a long way in this almost third world nation. Serge ( my lil nickname for Concierges around the world) looked at me like I had slapped his momma and said 19 .... I was like I know her is 20 stop tripping you can keep the change ... then he wrote down 90 and said 19...so as I pulled out the remaining amount I looked into the faces of my fellow travelers and noticed how my genuis had faded from their thoughts.... hey but we did have fun in that cab .

I'm on my way to Vincenza, Italy . First thing I have to do is get some shoes ( brown ) that match these two suits I had made for me while in Turkey. Burt the tailor to all " Da Brothers" at least that's what he told me over and over and over again, hooked me up with a few 5 button shots.... very impressive work seeing that he did all this work overnight from a drawing that I sketched. I'm also looking forward to the rich taste of expresso. There is no feeling in the world like smoking a Cuban and sipping a hot shot of that caffiene concoction. Seeing that I'm on this diet and not eating breads, rice and pasta I'm going to miss out on the rich tasting foods but it's not like my greedy ass didn't eat enough of that shit the last time I was here.

Well I wish all of you well .... take care ah pu tarde ( see you later)

So now I'm back and I hope that you all have enjoyed my crazy travels.... I'm going to JApan soon wait till you hear those tales

well all my online and offline friends and family I wish you well and may Hordes of angels watch over you until we chat again.....

CIAO

I feel like expressing myself

2011-10-17T15:25:00.000-04:00

Many people have asked me why I stopped blogging in a regular fashion and the best answer I could come up with was that Facebook and Twitter made it where I could say what I needed to get out in just a few characters. The truth is I haven't had much to say. The world around me had quieted enough to make my juices dry up. Luckily the word keeps turning and people agitate me enough while it does to get me back in the mood of blogging. So I'm back !!!

How long ?

2011-10-17T15:22:00.000-04:00

How long is the question I keep asking myself when it concerns my being held responsible decisions I made in my twenties. Well the answer is exactly twenty two years. My youngest son Cortney Jr is 15, now I along with the state child support agency are counting down the next three years.

Of course I'm not writing this thinking I'll get any sympathy from the female readers of my blog . I'm simply saying that if I could go back and talk to my twenty something self I would have told me to wait for a real lasting love like the one I've found with my wife to share my seed with. I'm sure my head headed younger self would t have listened to me , truth is twenty something Cortney didn't listen to anyone. So I'm left to pass on this lesson to the young men I helped to create and send monthly checks to. Of course I'll have to teach this lesson with tact it's not like I can say never trust a big butt and a smile without them questioning what I might be saying about their mom. I'm thinking to use the protect yourself in order to protect your future conversation as my means of conveying to them how important it is to be sure of what you are getting yourself into. My only hope is my sons are smarter than I was.

Wrote this during last NBA Lockout

2011-10-17T15:18:00.000-04:00

The World - Will Work For Food

Having satellite television and the NBA package isn’t something you can brag to your friends about when there could possibly be no NBA season. If it wasn’t for ESPN keeps me occupied and informed with the happenings during the strike I would probably kick my salesman’s ass who joyfully told me, “Don’t worry I’m sure they’ll haggle it out in a few days .” No one could have told me we would lose the entire month of November scheduling and possibly the entire season. But even with all of my satellite woes I can not fault the NBA players for striking . There is without doubt a shrinkage and possibly extinction of the middle class player . Only the marquee players and owners are profiting but it’s the marginal players that keep the league alive . The reason why I feel a sense of solidarity with these disgruntle players is simple there is the same movement going on within the world of comedy , especially black comedy. The working class comic is being erased . No longer are the small venues bringing in the lesser names. The KINGS OF COMEDY TOUR coupled with the closing of african american comedy clubs across the country have the princes and princesses of the comedic world are finding themselves in the strange position of actually looking for work. For those that have been in the game long enough to remember the black comedy boom ( courtesy of HBO’s Def Jam ) I’m sure this is mind boggling seeing there was a time when Comedy Clubs and one nighters for black comics was a easy to find as a liqueur store in Compton.This shortage of work has caused many gifted comedians to take a real job job . Everyone know comics are more allergic to 8 am than Dracula . This labor shortage has caused another plague to rear it’s ugly head in our sacred craft, the acceptance of work for insultingly low pay.Don’t take this as a finger pointing , truth is we are all guilty of this indiscretion. The sin of accepting work for meager compensation. It ‘s a damn shame that a call from Andrew Ford is not bad anymore . Truth is that we are being hoed out by no one but our selves and there is nothing worse than selling your wares for less than what it is worth . You wake up with a nasty gritty feeling on your skin. ( if you’ve worked for Andrew that might be from the Comic Condo’s sheets ) The question needed to be asked is are we not worthy of a minimum wage ? Seeing we have no union nor governing body that regulates our pay should we not all develop a pay scale ? There is no doubt that those that are a draw should be compensated for their door attraction but should there not be a scale in which those just trying to make a living in this cut throat business can have to adhere to? The answer is yes . The survival of this business is dependent totally on the blue collar workers for just like a business or the animal kingdom it’s the common workers that make this thing turn. The superstars ( marquee comics ) have a responsibility in this whole scheme as well . Their over charging of small markets make it where only a few shows can come a year . Nothing is more responsible for the closing of comedy clubs than the overcharging of club owners especially by the comics on the edge of stardom that has yet to really have their act measure up to their notoriety.Once again not pointing the finger nor really blaming the source but you know who you are . The deterioration of the craft is well at hand ( hell it’s been eroding since it first started ).

Maybe cause I’ve been brought up in the old school by the folks that have rightfully paid their dues to make their loot I feel this way . Maybe I’m a little bitter because I haven’t been able to rob the system as others have . But no matter what my reasoning that which I write be truth . We are at a cross roads and something has to be done . It’s not like there is a blow you up system anymore , Comicview ain’t the ticket . Being on that show isn’t important anymore .Not only is the editing horrific but who hasn’t been on Comicview . If you’ve been watching it you can see they are taking open mikers and giving them a TV credit . That’s like David Stern allowing Jr High players and High schoolers join the league ( oops he is already doing that huh?) . What this is doing is allowing those that ill equipped to challenge the working comedian for employment , seeing that these “ new jacks” are not used to payment for comedic services they are willing to accept anything as salary , lessening negotiation power of comic laborers that are justly due fair annuity. It bewilders me that the talent execs on these shows believe that comedy is like making Kool -Aid just put a person in front of a mic and an audience then stir . What happens is the watering down of a rich art form. But do they care that a workforce is being compromised hell no they are interested in having warm bodies on screen . I look upon these "NewJacks" like GM employees gaze upon illegal alien workers... as a threat to our livelihood and something that must be be done to eradicate this pestilence before that lifestyle that we have become accustomed to will be antiquated .I call for a formation of a union , with bylaws and standards that club owners and comedians alike have to adhere to . Hell if talent less actors whom have to wait for material to be penned in order to work can be protected, shouldn't we who are the creators and performers of material?

2011-10-04T23:22:00.000-04:00

In Cleveland we root for the underdog

2011-10-01T20:20:00.000-04:00

When you are a born and bred Cleveland Sports fan you learnto celebrate the least fortunate just as much or even more so than the winners.Of course the teams that have flourished during my lifetime have brought joy towe whom support them but they also have caused us the most pain. Maybe that’swhy I can’t pick Mark Price or Brad Daugherty as the Cavalier I dug the mostwhen Shawn Kemp is included in the question. The Cavalier teams of the late80’s were a force to be reckoned with and the teams Kemp played with were afarce. I’m not blaming neither Price nor Daugherty for Michael Jordan’sinfamous shot, nah Craig Ehlo will shoulder that weight forever. If you arewilling to forgive Ehlo you still have to question one of the most successfulcoaches in league history decision to give him that defensive assignment.

My admiration for the two country boys that made it in thebig city is immense, but I connected with a fading star whose demons were onhis heels like hellhounds by the time he donned a Cavalier uniform. Kemp waslike our fair city not as shiny as hewas in the past but still had some more mileage in him.

Kemp was dogged by over consumption, not from just one vicebut every vice coaches warn playersabout.

Alcohol Sex and Drugs.

Kemp couldn’t walk away from a bottle , he loved raw nakedsex and powdering his nose had become habit. He was over weight over paid andover sexed. Yet in still he was one of my favorites. Yeah I like to root forthe underdog. The guy folks have left for dead. I’m a Clevelander how could Inot ?

No longer was Shawn the Reign Man able to leap tall centersin a single bound. No he was reduced to a plodding big fella in Fratello’s slowpaced mockery of the NBA game. Yet somehow he figured out a way to have acareer year. Maybe you don’t know how hard it is to focus on the game when youhave a problem. As a former player I can tell you that the simplest thing can affectyour ability to concentrate. So it makes me marvel at how in tune with the gameKemp was each night with so many different things shouting for his attention.Maybe he could have pulled off the even better than twenty points and ninerebounds per game if when he looked into the stand he didn’t see the beervendor, hot dog man, his coke dealer and any one if not all of his seven babiesmammas in the stands vying for his consideration. I can’t help but wonder ifMark Price would have been such a great free throw shooter with that kind ofpressure on him.

Kemp gave the fans in Cleveland something to cheer about ashe gave more than a fat man’s effort sinking shots and corralling rebounds. Noone in their right mind would have considered 1998-99 Cleveland Cavaliers the greatestshow on earth but Kemp helped rally a band of bums that year and made themrespectable in the strike shortened season. Of course I’m not celebrating theself-destructive behavior this man displayed. I’m merely giving credit to thefact while going down the drain he still made it rain.

Of course this would have been a better piece from me had Ibeen able to consider Ron Harper as my favorite Cav. Who could resist witnessinga Ronnie Harp interview? I know it took a long time to get through but damn itif Ron had a point about a particular play it was entertaining to watch.

what a week it was ...

2011-05-02T10:04:00.000-04:00

All I can muster up in words is WOW !!! The Royal Wedding The Tuscaloosa Tornado The President comedic speech about his birth certificate and The Murder of Osama Bin Laden. WOW !!!

The Royal Waste of Money was the most insignificant happening ... I mean who really cares about a would be king and his broad in a country who's ass we whupped already. I mean I know we all fell in love with his mom but hell she didn't even like the Royal Family . Since I'm part of the we hitched family I do offer him congrats and good luck .
While the networks were fawning over the Royal Wedding my Royal Memories of my childhood were being whisked away by mother nature in Tuscaloosa AL. I'm just hearing word from real family and play cousins alike confirming they are alive and as well as can be expected when your city is ravaged by a storm of such magnitude. I found it disgusting that The Royal Waste of Money had more coverage than a US city being leveled.

Who knew that OUR President was such a humorist ? I'm sure Donald Trump knows OUR LION KING ain't to be fucked with no more with the unveiling of his full birth certificate ... when in history has a President had to appease a citizen by showing proof he was from here... ? Being the first black President is a hard hustle and obviously Barak has developed a thick skin. I know I would choked at least three folks by now if I was in office .. I'm just saying. Not trying to imply that because he hasn't snapped a naysayers neck makes him soft. I believe Barak is as gangster as a Gambino. While he was joking about his birth certificate he had already sanctioned the hit on Osama Bin Laden . WOW !!!
I hope for Barak's sake he took pictures with the body cause Donald Trump ain't gonna believe that shit either.

Snow Snow please go away

2011-02-01T02:52:00.000-05:00

The weatherman has predicted we are due a snowstorm for the ages. The people of Cleveland know exactly what that means gather up and buckle down. It's a damn shame the folks at Showtime didn't already have Dexter Season 6 going so Charlene and I could be bound in the house enjoying America's favorite serial killer doing his thing. Instead we will indulge our thirst for good television programming via Netflix on our AppleTV. If you don't have Netflix you are missing out . There is a wealth of great movies and much to Charlene's chagrin DOCUMENTARIES. I love looking at them she loathes them as much as I can't stomach reality tv. If there was ever a divide in our harmonious home .. that would be it .

I don't like reality tv ... I've said it before and will shout it from the mountain tops. There's nothing realistic about people when a camera is put in their faces.

What things divide you and your spouse I'm curious ?

Sarah Palin about as relevant as Kim Kardashian

2011-01-31T03:03:00.000-05:00

Recently a fellow comedian and friend Tracy Morgan's comments made on TNT's Inside The NBA show about ex Alaska Governor were frowned down upon. Kenny The Jet Smith and Sir Charles Barkley had asked him who was sexier Palin or Frey ? Tracy Morgan in his normally unfiltered sense of humor said Palin was good masturbation material. Now there is fallout from the reply ... I wonder what the whole hoopla is about. I mean you ask a comedian who's claim to fame is saying off the cuff off colored things and TNT is caught red faced when he says that he fantasizes about Sarah Palin. I'm more disturbed that Tracy uses this broad as get off footage. I mean she ain't bad but damn I think he could do better. The media was upset that he would say something like that about her.

I'm trying to figure out who she is to be held to a standard where men can't whack off to her and or tell about it. She is an ex governor that made an unsuccessful bid at being the vice president ... who really grows up dreaming to be governor of Alaska or Vice President sounds like an extreme case of low self esteem.
Sarah Palin isn't the Virgin Mary ... her parenting is even in question ( teenage pregnant daughter).
I wish she would get on the same plane with the Kardashian's and go away !!!

Keeping warm with good company and great flix

2011-01-28T00:48:00.000-05:00

The snow and the cold have Charlene & I enjoying Chick Flick Friday early...
For those that don't know I'm a murder death kill movie kinda guy and my wife adores romance films.So on Fridays i relinquish all rights to the remote and view whatever my lady decides on.

We watched The King's Speech and Love and Other Drugs courtesy of http://www.kickasstorrents.com

The King's Speech was a more than interesting film that has so much Oscar Buzz. The story of Queen Elizabeth's stuttering father kept our interest but it was the movie Love and Other Drugs that had us both glued to the big screen
GOOD MOVIE like a sexy dysfunctional Notebook
Funny Funny Funny and has some cool love shit in it if you can stomach it
In the movie the Anne Hathaway asks Jake Gyllenhall( you know that BrokeBack Brother .. well he isn't a brother to say four good things about himself ... he was stumped ( Low self esteem I guess)
1. In both my professional career and hobby I'm a bringer of joy to the masses. 2. I'm a creative spirit 3. I stand up for my friends , hell sometimes I stand up for complete strangers " The complete strangers have to pay a cover but I think you get my point. 4. If you ever get on a game show and need to call a friend with the answer I'm your guy i know more meaningless trivial facts than one mere mortal should.

I ask all of you to write 4 good things about yourself ... hoping this sets a World According To Cortney Gee comment record in replies if not you must have real low self esteem hehehe

new movie brings back old memories

2011-01-27T02:52:00.000-05:00

Looking back on my youth I find great joy in the simplicity of what life was. I had a middle class upbringing via the generosity of my parents and my pleasures were simple, paid for by them. Those were the days.

All I had to do was go to school finish my work and I was allowed to lose myself in the fantasy comic books and television provided. Of course this was before my adolescent mind gave way to my lust filled thoughts fueled by reading Playboy and Players magazine. Yeah those were the days.

When reruns of Batman kept me on edge and The Green Hornet with Kato duked it out with bad guys. When you are young and have no idea what a rerun is you think that whatever is on television is really happening right then. So when I watched Bruce Lee doing his thing as Britt Reid's sidekick I had no idea that they had filmed one of my favorite shows a year before I was born. I guess it's like folks seeing me on Comicview telling jokes about my sons and having no clue that they are damn there grown now... wow!

I recently watched The Green Hornet starring Seth Rogen whom by the way does a great job even though I thought he would be as good of a Green Hornet as folks thought Michael Keaton could pull off being Batman. Both of them are comic actors that fans cringed with the thought of them destroying the character of the heroes. Seth's quirky humor actually added to the revamped Hornet. Jay Chou who inherited the black mask of Kato in the film does a fantastic job of kicking ass but was he Bruce Lee hell nah. There will only be one Bruce .
I'm no movie critic but if I had to give this a thumbs up or down ... it would be given the erect thumb to live until the sequel. The writer left it open for Green Hornet 2 and I believe Seth will mature in the role.

The next superhero joint I have to see is The Green Lantern. I hope http://www.kickasstorrents.com is kind enough to provide the screener as well.

Oprah's Big Secret

2011-01-25T22:23:00.000-05:00

Over the weekend I was bubbling with curiosity concerning just what Oprah was going to admit to or uncover about herself to the public. I couldn't help but think that maybe she is going to tell the world Stedman was a beard and Gayle was the true love of her life ( besides chocolate ho ho's !!! ) .Of course that wasn't the case and Oprah admitted to having a half sister . I had a problem with her referring to Patricia as her half sister seeing they share the same mother. The way I've been taught if you and someone els share the same womb ... they are whole kin.
It was a reunion that merited airtime sure but that was the fucking surprise .... wow!!! The real surprise was the look on Oprah's mother's face when Oprah was questioning her about the 1963 adoption . Her mother looked like if she hadn't just suffered a stroke she would have choked her for putting her past on blast.

The coming together of the siblings was heartwarming and touching but I just can't get that look of no this fat bitch didn't off my mind. That was classic tube ya dig !!!

when will the madness end ?

2011-01-25T01:58:00.003-05:00

I have grown tired of looking at and hearing about Kim Kardashian's untalented ass. Yeah I said it I'm not impressed by or enamored with the KK booty. I grew up seeing asses that makes her's pale in comparison. Maybe that's why society is so impressed with it ... the pale bubble.

But Kim Kardashian hasn't been the only non black woman who had curves. Of course I could speak of Raquel Welch , Goldie Hawn Jayne Mansfield and Marilyn Monroe but to include Kim in that group would be to hint at a notion she had something to add to the arts... that is not the case. The only talent she has displayed has been being capable of taming R Jay's sword. I ask is that something to be celebrated about. I feel sorry for R Jay hell he couldn't find a way to cash in on his cock like Kim Kardashian has. She must be a cold beast her sexual prowess has earned her siblings fame. Monica Lewinsky blew a president and couldn't get a reality show .. go figure.

I'm not even mad with her ... I'm upset with the media and it's constant splashing of her on magazines and tv programming ... I'm sure when folks look back on this time they will shake their heads and wonder why as well. Unfortunately right now even my blog is adding to the same unnecessary mentioning of this young lady.

I apologize for my part ... but had to ask are ya'll tired of this media made celebrity yet ?

Tattoo You ?

2011-01-18T01:17:00.002-05:00

This generation is so obsessed with marking their bodies .... when people in the future look back on us I wonder what they will think. Maybe they will think us so bored that we had to express ourselves by drawing on our skin. Maybe they will consider that athletes were so overpayed they had nothing to waste their loot on and the youth followed suit.
Who knows they might reason that our civilization was overrun by sailors. Ruled by prisoners and governed by thugs. Maybe just maybe they will see that many were mere canvas to be touched by our modern Picasso's...
If they gaze upon a picture of me they will consider me a rebel. I'm leaving this earth with skin just like I was born in . still virgin to a tattoo artist touch.
So what's your take on tats ?

Two Decades in and still going !

2011-01-17T01:46:00.002-05:00

When I first picked up the mic and started this adventure it never occurred to me that I would be 43 years old and still looking to be discovered. I'm sure my twenty three year old self believed that overnight stardom was right around the corner. I can't say if I've found stardom in 20 years ... I've made a living and I've gathered some fans of course but this wasn't what I envisioned. Luckily for me I was blinded by the good times I had along the way to be persuaded to quit. For that I'm grateful.
I've been blessed to have not been a one hit wonder that people talk about what I used to do. The fact that I'm still shaking the bushes and making noise in this business is something to be proud of.

So I guess I'm writing this blog entry to say I'm still here dammit !!! That's right and I have no plans on quitting... I will keep ya'll posted on any developing news how bout that !

Colder than a penguin's balls

2011-01-12T22:55:00.005-05:00

In the past Cleveland weather has never been kind during the month of January and this first month of the year finds The Hawk in it's usual position as predator. For the last two days we've been bombarded with bad weather. I'm sure that LeBron James is somewhere in Miami tweeting about how GOD doesn't love the entire city just because the populace didn't agree with his arrogant and immature handling of his ego driven " Decision". But LeBron can't be to blame for a blizzard. I'm starting to think that The Mayan prophecy might have a hint of truth to it. No I'm not thinking that the end of the world is at hand. But maybe the end of the world as we know it. The ancients must have known that the advancement of mankind would change the natural order of things.Man has become a cancer to the planet and it seems as if Earth is fighting back.

Of the 50 states only Hawaii doesn't have snow. That is more than just a rarity... I'm thinking it's a sign of the times.
So since it's a frigid week my wife and I have decided to stock up on some essentials and snacks then retire to however we might be held up watching Dexter Seasons 1-5. Talk about a killer show it's really serially addictive. We have been enjoying watching Miami's favorite serial vigilante wreck havoc on The Bottoms like The Hawk has been having it's way with the Northeast. If you aren't already a fan take a stab at it and see if you aren't as strung out as the rest of us.

it's been a long time...

2010-06-11T14:02:00.008-04:00

I shouldn't have left you without a fresh blog post to step to ....

Greetings to all that have taken the time to come by The World According to Cortney Gee and found iut without verbage . I have to admit I've been so damn Facebooked and Twittered up that this old house hasn't been properly cared for .. I owe those that actually like t0 read what dumb shit I have on my mind an apology . Please forgive!!!

It's summer time in Cleveland you can tell cause all the women are walking round half naked and you can't be mad with them especially seeing that it will be colder than a witches tit in about 4 months....

Of course we all love to look at GOD's amazing work ... but please if you don't have the body for the mid riff look or the bikini wrap dat shhhhhhhh up ya dig

I just spent some good loot transforming one of my rooms into a workout spot ... so that I could get in shape enough to take full advantage of this Bally's Membership ... no use in going to Bally's looking like I'm completely out of shape hehehehehe

Right now I'm in my before form when I get into after state I'll show the results .

Tis The Season

2009-12-21T00:42:00.003-05:00

Well I have a lot to be thankful for this Holiday Season .... I will be spending my first Christmas with my wife YAY!!!!

I don't think we are going to put ourselves in debt trying to out buy the other this christmas I'm suggesting to her we pay our bills ahead so that in Jan and Feb we can treat eachother to some fun times like a vacation in Hawaii .
We have a up a beautiful tree with no gifts underneath it . No use in trying to fool the teenaged boys into believe Santa is bringing them things and I damn sure ain't into giving other folks credit for things I've bought. So on the morning of the 25th whatever we have bought them will be there ....
Ya'll have a great Christmas .... now go out there and celebrate Jesus birthday like you got some sense ....

in response to Tiger's Apology

2009-12-02T23:09:00.003-05:00

Dear Eldrick Tont "Tiger" Woods,

I'm writing you this letter in response to your half- heart , arrogant apology to your wife and also for the one you didn't say to all the men that will suffer from the fallout of your bad judgment bruh!!

Tiger I'm appreciative for what you have done to inspire young black kids to get into the game of golf but I'm disturbed by the message you are putting out to those same kids when it concerns being a husband . Now of course you have a right to do what you want to, but if you are to be celebrated by the public man you gotta take responsibility and be spanked by the same public that has made you. The apology to your wife was self serving and you had the nerve to chastise the very same media that has made you That Guy ya dig .

Now of course you don't know me and if you did you would probably be saying who is Cortney Gee to be talking about being faithful.

If my former self was writing this your argument would make sense but since I've been reborn and turned in my playa express credit card I'm upset with you cause now I can't go a day without discussing infidelity in my own damn home ... thanks Tiger of course i write that sarcastically. It's obvious you're concentrating on your swing and not your game .... dude if you are going to be a scumbag do so in the darkest of dark ..... as you can see all that you do comes into light anyway right ?
Who coached you in deciet ? Obviously the laws weren't properly given to you...
Tiger you have money and fame you don't go have relationships blood .... you want to mess around you have to pay for privacy and discretion . That's right you have to be a trick . Not that I'm saying that's a good thing but that's all you got to be if you don't want scrutiny dude.
Rule #1 don't send text or voice messages ...
before it was don't give out your home number , that evolved into home nor cell # that grew into home & cell # and email addy. Now there isn't space to be on myspace nor friendly on facebook ... dude when you get married you gotta look at it as what it is ... this is the last relationship you are going to have unless you are contemplating divorce. Being a Billion Dollar Man I hope you aren't trying to give up half of all those earning s to your once upon a time baby sitter blonde bombshell of a wife. So the best advice I can give you is get right get right get right !!! Ok let's say that you don't want to take my advice and keep doing bad . Here's some more advice

Rule #2 No more taking pics on beaches or on golf courses with conquest ... WTF ? I mean did you really trust that none of those too intimate for other eyes to see flix to never come up. Tiger when you are cheating you don''t let people pull out iPhones and say I want to make record of this moment...
ok I loathe to keep saying this man but with being that trick that I said you have to be you don't have to worry about pictures ... HOES don't like to be photographed they liked to be paid .

Rule #3 if you are going to mess around Fuck Up and Not Down ... nothing will piss your lady off even if she was once a nanny than getting caught banging nightclub waitresses .... maybe you can hit on that hot asian golfer chick.

Rule # 4 Pick better friends
Who's your caddy ? That cat is supposed to do more than carry clubs man .... As much loot as he has made with you he should have taken the heat .... You need a friend like AC Cowlings !!!

Well I guess I'll close this letter to you but before I do I want to wish you luck in your marriage do know that getting that shit back on track is going to be harder than sinking a hole in one on a par 5 .

PS Thank GOD you aren't married to a sista .... cause if she would have caught you those golf clubs that smashed out your window would have bashed in yo head son !!!

in the spirit of thanksgiving

2009-11-26T01:14:00.002-05:00

Over the years I have had some great relationships that have gone sour .. sometimes because of my own stupidity .

Other times it was because the relationship was for the season and it was just time to move on.

But I'm thankful for each one of the for the lessons learned and the gifts that they bared ya dig ...

I'm not big on celebrating Thanksgiving Day because to just be thankful on one day would be disrespectful to all the things to be thankful for each day .... plus Thanksgiving is really like the celebration of the beginning of the end for native americans...

i got drunk off my ass

2009-11-25T03:14:00.005-05:00

And believe it or not I had a great birthday and a an incredible designated driver in my wife .... we made it home safely and I can tell the tale of what the fugg happen...

Was a boss show ... the birthday cake was incredible and i ripped the crowd with a few new jokes ... was a great birthday now if Ic an just drag my drunk ass to bed I might get some you a year older nookie .. PEACE!!!

if i could go back and talk to my self at 24 @ age 42

2009-11-24T00:16:00.002-05:00

it's been quite awhile since I wrote anything on the blog .... I wish I had a better excuse other than the truth. The truth is I just haven't been moved to blog . As a matter of fact I haven't wanted to write more than a tweet or a facebook post.
Today marked my forty second year on this blue planet and I thought what if I could go back and talk to that twenty four year old that still was filled with dreams . What would I tell him ?
From all the ranting and raving I've done over the years about having kids and paying chil support one would think I would tell myself to have invested in more condoms...
That would be so wrong.... you see 1992 when I was 24 I was a new father . Miles was born and my life took flight. Now sometimes I was grounded because of my bad decisions on how to treat my children's mom . So my advice to my former self would ti have been to be more compassiponate and less self indulgent . Wow do I read maturity in these words of advice. You damn right. You shouldn't be on this planet for four decades and not grow .
I would have told 24 year old Cortney to not look for fame and fortune overnight but to groom myself for the long haul my career had taken me on.
I question you what would you tell your 24 year self ?

if the ghost of girlfriends pst came back to haunt me ....

2009-10-04T12:02:00.002-04:00

Before I became a happily married man and said I do .. I had done enough to be tired of not being alone ya dig! Over the years I had my fair share of fun. I was watching the previews to this movie The Ghost of Girlfriends Past and thought if the crypt of my ex girlfriend graveyard was opened and the spirits were allowed to come visit me to have closure what journey I might be taken on.....

Miles is one year from being grown

2009-10-03T01:33:00.003-04:00

well maybe not Grown .. but off the child support books and just in my pockets while he finds his way. That's right the kid that was my first born turns 17 on Oct 6th ..WOW

For all the parents that have been trying to hold on to being hip and young you know what I mean by saying this is a wake up call to my being a real adult ... my baby ain't a baby no more

Facebook has made it where Blogging is too much...

2009-10-03T01:25:00.002-04:00

The world is always about the quick fix .. I believe that soon Tweeting will be too much . Truth is we like our food super sized but our information minute and to the damn point . Not Saying that I'm about to shut the blog down ...
Truth be told I like sititng in front of this computer and allowing all the things that come to mind pour out ya dig !
So for those that take the time to check in and see just what I'm up to fear not there will be verbage from me until the air in my body ceases or this MacBook Pro works no more ...
Have a great day ....

When I was 14 I was never this way ... I promise you

2009-10-03T01:14:00.004-04:00

The World According to Me has nothing on the Universe that my 14 year old step son inhabits... trust !!!

Of course you can't expect them to be adult and make grown decisions but when a over 6 foot teenager continues to make immature irrational choices you can't help but shake your head .

My blood pressure has never been so high in my life until T entered into my world.

Last week I was downstairs and saw a used condom on the floor ... my former bachelor self panicked thinking what in the hell was going on. Then right after that moment of shock and disbelief I remembered I was married and basking in LORD ordained lust with my wife ( meaning I didn't use condoms ) and after even more investigation I realized this condom wasn't even my size ... " no I didn't pick it up nor tried it on " sickos !!!

I just did what any good man about to be framed by his not so evil stepson would do ... with pencil in hand I lifted the evidence and examined it with a very interested eye ya dig .

Men like to brag about size and I'm not about to do that but this one would have been a snug fit that's all I'm saying ...

After showing him all the evidence and coming up with my own deduction he finally admitted his guilt ... then I had to tell him how messed up it was to put me under the bus ... now the punishment phase hmmmmmmm

there's no way the daddy is smiling

2009-09-24T23:39:00.003-04:00

An Indonesian woman has given birth to an 8.7-kilogramme (19.2-pound) baby boy, the heaviest newborn ever recorded in the country, a doctor said. The baby boy is pictured here next to a baby of average size at a hospital in Medan, North Sumatra

Ladies I know this ginormous bundle of joy would be the apple of your eye but believe me if you have a 19 pound baby naturally you can call your relationship a wrap.. unless your man is Lexington Steele or your doctor does plastic surgery and does a stitch job for the ages ya dig.

the definition of dumbshit !!!

2009-09-24T23:06:00.002-04:00

If you were about to be wed and you saw Kanye walk in da building would you
A. Go about your business and try to get through the ceremony without interruption
or
B. Smack the shhhh outta him before he does some dumb stuff

Me I would havee to wrestle little little rascal right the hell up out of the spot ya dig ..... I'm still feeling bad for Po Lil Taylor Swift ... Kanye's behavior was so bad I think there should be a national movement to replace the word NIGGER with Kanye in all dictionaries .... if not all dictionaries it Kanye should be in Thersarus as a synonym .

you know like

If that kanye don't give me that money he owe me I'm gonna whup his ass .
or better yet
Kanye's be messing up stuff for regualr black people soon as the club open Kanye's come in and shoot the place up.

What ya'll think ?

The Monkees meet Charlene

2009-09-22T00:40:00.003-04:00

I was very happy when my children met my wife .. they have been subjected to way too many girlfriends in my past.

When they took a super hero picture with Charlene I knew she had been considered a super friend ....

now if we can just get The Monkees and my Arch Enemy Lex Luthor ( Terrell) to get along next summer will be great when they are all under one roof !!!

Sometimes I get nervous ....

2009-09-14T01:00:00.004-04:00

when I walk in to the room and my lovely bride is sippin a martini and watching the Oxygen Channel ..... especially since she is a good Christian and her favorite show is Snapped . Now don't get me wrong I'm not questioning her having a taste of vodka every once and a while but when you are typsy and watching a show about mad women who went to far .. what the hell are you saying ya dig ?

Well I'm off to bed ...wondering if behind that beautiful smile and bright eyes lies the heart and mind of a killer .... hmmmmmmm

sleeping with one eye open!!!

Diagnosis

2009-09-12T21:39:00.002-04:00

I've come to believe that this labeling teenagers as having ADD or ADH is just really sugar coating the fact your kid is an asshole that doesn't want to remember shit . I recall being a teenager that wished someone would have diagnosed me with such a condition so that my overly aggressive and authoritative parents would pity me for my " illness" .

I'm so tired of being in the midst of this forgetful genius that lives underneath my roof under immunity from my wrath because his mom thinks I should have empathy.

Is it just me that lives with one of these afflicted know it alls that can't remember shit you tell them but can recall what they want to ?

Of course I will look forward to your comments

Sept 11th I'm dropping the bomb

2009-09-11T02:36:00.003-04:00

like the Taliban I'm wrecking shhhhhhhhhhhhhh Sept 11th make sure to set your dvr to Martin Lawrence Presents 1st Amendment Stand Up .... yours truly that would be me will be appearing

Terrell, Welcome to the rest of your life ...

2009-08-22T13:24:00.005-04:00

Of course this weekend is closing down on my new family's summer vacation. I'm busy doing double duty as stepfather/newlywed husband and drill sergeant here at the crib.

From my last post you you will find that I have been forced to come up with new ways to get Terrell's full attention. I have made each day a day of edutainment in my home.
Of course I had him watched Baby Boy ... just so he knew his place ya dig and the consequences of what could be the outcome if he crossed me .
But the movie of the week , that's right I made him watch it three times was ....

Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: I'm Gunnery Sergeant Hartman, your senior drill instructor, from now on you will speak only when spoken to, and the first and the last word out of your filthy sewers will be "Sir". Do you maggots understand that?
[recruits answers: Sir. Yes Sir!]
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Bullshit I can't hear you. Sound off like you got a pair!
[recruits repeats with a louder tone]
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: If you ladies leave my island, if you survive recruit training, you will be a weapon. You will be a minister of death praying for war. But until that day you are pukes. You are the lowest form of life on Earth. You are not even human, fucking beings. You are nothing but unorganized grabastic pieces of amphibian shit. Because I am hard you will not like me. But the more you hate me the more you will learn. I am hard but I am fair. There is no racial bigotry here. I do not look down on niggers, kikes, wops or greasers. Here you are all equally worthless. And my orders are to weed out all non-hackers who do not pack the gear to serve in my beloved Corps. Do you maggots understand that?

Of course Terrell's wishes he never left the green trees and gray skies of Seattle cause he was surrounded by his loving female family members that tit fed him praise for stuff he is supposed to do. I'm sure that he feels he has been dropped off at Parris Island .. truth is Parris Island would be like King's Island in comparison to what I have him going through ...in other words he isn't amused.

Here at Camp Fuck What You Are Going Through we don't reward behavior that is necessary ... but we damn sure do punish for behavior a 14 year old has no business considering displaying and he doesn't have a pot to piss in.
So far the kid has done over 350 push ups over the weekend . You would be happy to know he isn't talking back nor rolling his eyes anymore when I instruct him to carry out a task ... his arms and chest can't afford it!

The double wedding ...

2009-08-14T02:33:00.007-04:00

I'm writing this post because I've been forced to reconsider some things that are a part of how I was raised.
Have you ever felt like you have been made to share a residence with someone that you didn't necessarily want to be a roommate with but because of a mutual aquaintance or allie you find yourself in the same space ? I'm sure this is how my 14 year old stepson must feeling. His mom and I got married on July 4th and on July 22nd Terrel and I became the new odd couple.

For those that don't know or have been locked in jail for the last few months I got married ... and I inherited a stepson . Unfortunately for my new protege' he hasn't been under man rule nor supervision and his last 30 days have been like Paris Island I'm sure. Of course I'm the evil tyrant in his eyes now but I'm hoping that in the near future he will undrstand how much I love his mother and care about his well being for him to be welcome in my kingdom.

PEOPLE FROM ALL WALKS OF LIFE HAVE BEEN OFFERING ADVICE.
There is a new breed of teenager out there. I'm not just saying this because sometimes I feel that I'm living with an alien.
Never in the history of mankind has there been such wanton disrespect for authority amongst the youth.
I believe the state has taken away the necessary fear that is needed to raise a child. Ya'll all remember when there was now such thing as child services ( just child servitude) ? Remember when the saying it take an entire village to raise just one child actually meant you could take one or two ass whuppins befre you even got home for just one indiscretion ? I'm sure Terrell is amused when I tell him of the days when teachers could rough you up, exxtention cord whuppins , and punishment that could last an entire summer vacation.
So now I have to be a new age step parent armed with only pychological warfare in my arsenal ... sigh!!!

I'm at wits end
So please forgive me ya'll if I'm slightly perplexed about who came up with the holidays. You know where the step parent doesn't have his or her own day to be celebrated.
Dead folks are remembered and great moments in history are commemorated yet there isn't a day set aside for the people that loved so much to bring in and raise up the reminder of the last person or people that your loved one dug .... hmmmm

I'm thinking there should be a holiday , holiweek , holimonth, f*ck it a holiyear for stepparents.

I'm not saying that just because I'm feeding clothing teaching and warring with another cat's seed I deserve a card but it would be nice if the drug stores had card that honored my efforts.. there's an idea for those assholes at Hallmark

I'ze Maried I say !!!

2009-07-18T03:41:00.003-04:00

I would like to take this time to introduce the WORLD to Mr and Mrs Cortney Maurice Gilmore ( yeah she took my Government name !!!)

2 months on non posting ...

2009-07-18T03:38:00.004-04:00

Please forgive me on my absence .. don't blame it on the sunshine, don't blame it on the moonlight , don't ya blame it on the good times .. blame it on facebook

Day 1

2009-05-18T15:31:00.003-04:00

if you don't know by now I'm on a two week tour of South Africa ... will be dropping VLogs as much as I can.... have a great day

DC... they sho do it big there....

2009-05-11T17:44:00.000-04:00

if having the first African American President wasn't enough to have that city bumping .... the weekend filled with Martin Lawrence's First Amendment Comedy Tapings , George Wilborn starring in a Mother's Day Play and Eddie Griffin doing his thing at Constitution Hall made Chocolate City bubble over believe dat !!!

As some of you already know I was honored with the opportunity to perform on The First Amendment and it was so off the chain I'm actually looking forward to seeing the season my damn self ... now I just got to work out that past due payment on the cable bill or find me a cable hook up dude and I'm in it to win feel me !

The shows were off the hook and the after party was even nicer if there is a way to out do the good time generated at the Lincoln Theatre ... BIG UPS TO U STREET !!!!

Wished you were there but if you weren't here are a few pix

Been Traveling ....

2009-04-22T16:45:00.000-04:00

here I am in Seattle Performing at the King Cat Theatre

Shameless Plug !!!

2009-03-27T17:18:00.007-04:00

The Cortney Gee Experience Limited Edition DVD is for sale .... why is it limited ? Because I'm only making about 300 more of these before I film my new stuff " Cortney Gee Live from the Underground with his Funny Friends "
Holla at me if you want one ...

FunnyBone .... hilarious Weds Night set

2009-03-27T13:55:00.003-04:00

if you didn't happen to be in Columbus on WEDS Night you missed it . Teddy Carpenter and I ripped the stage and if you were in Cleveland and you missed Thursday Night Live shame on you .., it was off the map ... next week we welcome Nema Williams ... see you there !!!

Funk Forever and for all ages...

2009-03-24T16:07:00.004-04:00

Funk transgresses barriers like age race color and creed. Don't believe me look at NBA LOGO and LEGEND Jerry West throwing up the P with Bootsy Collins . Everyone that knows me ... has the knowledge of me being a Funkster for Life. I get ready before each show blasting my iPod playing " I can make you dance " by Roger and Zapp.

Here are some clips that show no matter how old you get you can tell people to get the FUNK back and If you ain't Funkin with me get the Funk outta my face

George Clinton and Sly Stone

Sly and the New Family STone breaking it down

All Hail My Mighty New iMac

2009-03-20T19:43:00.002-04:00

Today was a good day ... I finally purchased a spiffy new iMac . You know the one that Apple has been bragging and boasting about . The all in one do it all workhorse that has made having a monitor and a desktop unit almost unnecesssary. Yep on my desktop is a 24 inch screen beauty of a personal computer. Today also marked an end of an era. My old G4 " The MotherShip" that I had suped up that it was almost still to be envied has finally been unplugged and I'm preparing to pay it forward to my sons . Of course I'm going to have to delete the entire hard drive ... I would hate the boys to come across some naughty file I had hidden from even myself ya dig ....

Had Big Fun in LA Sat Night ...

2009-03-17T11:02:00.004-04:00

Now normally i don't just fall in on the good people of the city of lost angels but I had a free day in California after entertaining the folks of Fresno and made my way south to hang out with a few friends.

I found myself hanging out in some of my old haunts with two of my best friends in the whole wide world Mailon Rivera and Marc Howard I even ran into my partner and one time photographer Kevin Stagger ( took my first LA photos !!)
For those that don't know Meezie up close and personal do a google search .. the brother is mad talented and cool as all get out.

The day found us at Magic Johnson's TGIF in Ladera ... and by nightfll we were drinking and singing at a hole in the wall " Tattle Tell's"

Happy St. Patty's Day

2009-03-17T10:41:00.002-04:00

I love being from America ... I mean where else in the world do folks celebrate a day just to get truly f*cked up like here. I wonder if Ireland even celebrate this day like we do ? In Ireland I'm under the impression most of the Irish are Irish right ? Well here in America we don't really care about what our nationality is if your holiday involves getting plastered dammit we will party right along with you .... drink up and be merry

I'm tying some mistletoe around my belt loop .... oops that's Christmas huh...
Kiss it and Kiss me I'm Irish today ...

When the friendly skies don't cooperate...

2009-03-08T22:37:00.003-04:00

You simply have to change your plans or pout . I took the high road and just rescheduled what would have been a awesome show in Peoria , IL. I was really let down because I was going to be performing with Mason Pryor in his father's birthplace. I figured it would be a good thing for him to be around some of that energy .

Well the universe vetoed that and here I am in front of my trusty Macbook Pro telling you the tale of how the hell I didn't make it there . I'm not going to one of those patrons that completely disses a company when things don't go their way. Especially the airlines. I figure they know when it's safe and not too safe to take off ya dig. I would hate to be the one that forced an aircraft to take me somewhere in horrible weather and we should have stayed grounded.

Well the next trip finds me off to Boston . Pray that we have good weather because child support is due and so are the lights.

I can't afford to have to make a choice on weather I take care of my kids and be in the dark or have lights but be locked up for being a dead beat....

Thursday Night Live is on and poppin'

2009-03-06T00:58:00.003-05:00

Two Headliners and Cortney Gee holding it down as the host and mc ... believe me you can't choose a better place to be in Cleveland on the day after Weds. other that Club UnderGround.

Kool Aid and Daniel Dugar brought the crowd to laughter in grand fashion. If you didn't make it out you really missed a good time and of course Wendell and I have a simple message for you ...

Dig that !!!

A seriously funny Tuesday night in toledo

2009-03-04T08:10:00.002-05:00

This tuesday I had the pleasure of performing at the Fabulous Funnybone in Toledo Ohio. It was big fun as the host and mc Darrell Banks had already opened up the stage with his no holds barred stage presence .

Columbus funnyman Dameko ripped at the feature spot and I closed the show in Grand fashion

" I thought ya'll knew the Gee stands for grand ...hehehehehe"

If you ever find yourself in Toledo on a tuesday night and want to get your urban comedy fix this is the spot to cop!

where in the world am I going to be ..?

2009-02-28T08:39:00.001-05:00

Feb 28th Rochester NY

March

3rd- Toledo FunnyBone

5th – Cleveland Club UnderGround

6th- Minneapolis MN

8th – Peoria IL Juke Box Comedy Club

11-13th – Boston MA and Connecticut

19th-Cleveland Club UnderGround

26th- Brooklyn NY Comedy @ The Movies

28th-Dover DE

30th Indianpolis IN Madame CJ Walker Theatre

April

2nd Cleveland Ohio Club UnderGround

9th Cleveland Club UnderGround

16th Club UnderGround

23rd Club UnderGround

24-25th Laugh Out Loud Comedy Club Washington DC

30th Club UnderGround

The Gestapo is going to be mad when they realize I'm no longer bothered ...

2009-02-23T18:30:00.004-05:00

Well I'm off to Indianapolis for yet another show at The Madame CJ Walker Theatre in Indianapolis but first I have to make a quick stop and holla at my PO for those that don't know what that is what's been going on in my life each month right after paying my penance to child support I have to go report to a probation officer and show my receipt .

There is nothing more that frustrates me more than being treating lie a child and being expected to be an adult taking care of my child ... utter nonsense I tell you. Well i have a new plan on how to not let this visit upset my maintaining of happiness ( seeing there is no pursuit of happiness ) . I have decided to make my monthly trek be a source of even more positive power. I'm not going there to report ... Shit I'm going there to gloat to the entire county that i have enough money to not be harrassed for nonpayment . It takes 15 minutes out of my day . A day in which I don't have to punch in a clock or be bothered by a boss . I'm my own supervisor . I've determined that those 15 minutes aree but a break from my stress free chosen career ...

This Year's Stood Up Actor Award goes to....

2009-02-23T00:53:00.002-05:00

Robert Downey Jr. the brother got robbed . I saw Dark Knight and sorry Heath ( GOD rest your soul ) but your performance pales in comparison to the real dark knight in Tropic Thunder.

black ice ain't no joke

2009-02-20T00:17:00.000-05:00

I was headed to my weekly show on Thursday Night "Thursday Night Live" on 480 W and hit a slick in the road . I hydroplaned and 360 across the entire highway escaping what was sure to be death or at least a disfiguring accident by the GRACE of GOD.

Well my road warrior BMW got mangled in the back when I made it to the show where I had the set of a lifetime telling the tale and just riffing . AG White the headliner and the featured act Toledo Funnyman Darrel Banks did their thing . The crowd was treated to a great show and I was blessed to tell another joke ...

If I can make it to the show after this and you didn't make it what in the hell as your excuse ?

Come on out and have a good time on us or here's a message for you from the owner and I ...

Farewell To a Real Comedy Giant

2009-02-18T23:30:00.000-05:00

It's not often i lend myself to be at a funeral but when I received the call about Rodney Winfield I made sure to board a plane and pay my last respects. Believe me this was a funeral for the ages. It was held in a chapel and I bet Jesus ears were burning when all the reflections and testimonials were done.

Was great to see some of my comedy peers such as Shuckey Duckey, Kenny Howell TC Cope and Damon Williams .

Valentine's Day Wedding

2009-02-15T00:37:00.001-05:00

This was a different one for me but because I love my cousin Sandy like you wouldn't believe I attended her wedding to her girl.

Was like any other wedding you could go to besides the fact it was two ladies marrying . I figure if heterosexuals can be happy or miserable in matrimony everybody else should have that right ... dig that !
Congrats to my big " little " cuz !!!

if you have been missing the show

2009-02-13T00:07:00.002-05:00

you been missing the show ... and that's real it's been going down in a major way at Club Underground each and every thursday at 8:30 pm. Well it's supposed to go down at 8:30 but real talk by 9:05 it's hot to death with some grade a urban comedy ya dig!
Damon Williams graced the stage this week and set the place on fire!

know this is way ahead of the game ...

2009-02-11T04:10:00.000-05:00

but this young lady could be my future daughter in law ...
Marcus my middle son has a girlfriend and I must say he does have good taste . I was worried he was going to email me a picture of a monkey shaved down so I'm quite impressed.

One of my favorite comedians of all time has gone home

2009-02-09T22:38:00.002-05:00

Today was a sad day in the world of comedy as one of the true old school cats whom helped shaped the game was called home. Rodney Winfield died today in St.Louis at the age of 76. I have many great memories on the road of working with the sailor hat wearing tuxedo donned dapper artist . He was sharply dressed and sharp of wit. Some of the rawest comedy I have ever seen was delivered by this clever gentleman. But is waqs backstage that the rawest lessons were taught to me by Rodney. Like the indulgences of the road and how you can blow it if you want to chasing fun but you better have something to stand on after stand up. People that really knew Rodney know exactly what I'm talking about hell he preached it to us all .

If nothing else he was real. That was the beauty of working with or just simply knowing Rodney . What you saw was what you got.

GOD SPEED FRIEND

Big Fun in Jolly Ole's England and Germany

2009-02-07T16:22:00.000-05:00

Had a great time performing for the troops in England and Germany . The folks were truly entertained and they bought plenty of dvd's which was great seeing child support was due again!!!

Here's a few pics of Sean B . Nema Williams and myself .. Enjoy!

Jan 22 The World as I see it ...

2009-01-23T01:21:00.004-05:00

Today started off like any other Thursday .. I woke up I fed and watered my dogs . Then I prepared to make the guest comedian welcome in my town. Johnathan Gates ( Boston's Own ) was fresh off being at the swearing in of our 44th President and I didn't want his stop in Cleveland to be any less monumental. We go to the radio station for our once a week studio visit and who is there just wrapping up an interview other than Mr Who's Got Jokes himself Bill Bellamy. All of us are old school comics so we chopped it up before it was out turn to bless the airwaves with our brand of humor .

Thursday Night Live : We had a great turnout .. the folks in the house were treated to my observations about the Inaugural Events and my rants about whatever was on my crazed mind.
J Gates did his thang and then the stars of BET's BRUTHA blessed the crowd with a tune ... was big fun...

how in the hell....

2009-01-22T01:14:00.002-05:00

did I go from this

to this

arghhhhhh !!!!

The Brother's First Day at Work...

2009-01-21T21:06:00.004-05:00

Today I celebrated the first brother being elected into the top elected position in politics by doing absolutely nuffin.
I was too busy erasing all the stupid text messages that cluttered my treo concerning his taking office . I have to admit I'm proud of the man making history but damnnnnnnn.... I'm glad I have unlimited texting as a part of my monthly package or i would be stabbing folks right about now. I wonder if Barak gets the same dumb shit sent to him ..like the reason why he hasn't slept yet .
I hope it's because he is so busy cleaning up the mess GW BUSH left and not becasue he is afraid of dreaming ya dig !!! Maybe and I'm just thinking maybe it's becasue he was painting the white house black wth his fine first lady ...don't they look cute ..awwwww

Aloha Dammit !!!

2009-01-19T01:52:00.003-05:00

What's up everyone ... thought I would drop a few lines on ya from beautiful Honolulu . I was there performing along with Kirk McHenry and Nema Williams . Was big fun especially because my hometown Cleveland Ohio was being held hostage by some winter weather that would have made Mr. Freeze ask for central heating .

as the first black president begins to take office

2009-01-12T16:30:00.003-05:00

The first black super bowl winning coach retires. Though I'm no Colts fan I do tip my hat to Dngy for being such a strong human being . Having to go on after his family tragedy and doing special things in his chosen profession is to be commedned .

Happ Trails Tony !

Thursday Night Live ... was a good time..

2009-01-09T13:56:00.004-05:00

The bad weather didn't keep folks from coming out and supporting the good times at Club Underground . That's how Clevelanders do though we will fight against cold and blizzard conditions just to show Mother Nature she ain't the boss of us.
I do have to admit that it seemed from the jump that the elements were going to win last night though. Bo P got stuck in ATL and I had to make a quick change to the lineup. I went into my comedy bullpen and called in Miss Pat ( ATL native ... living in Indianapolis ) of BET COMICVIEW notoriety.

Of course she came in and ripped it ... no one was safe from her in your face style .

If you haven't taken the time to come out to Club Underground on a Thursday Night you are missing out. There are 4 dollar Long Island Tea Specials ( Short on the Tea Strong Island) the bar staff are courteous as well as fine as all get out and the owner Wendell is a good cat that truly appreciates comedy and wants to bring nothing but the best to town.
107.9 WENZ's Robyn Symone co hosts the show along with me each and every week adding her sassy flavor to the show and the crowd is filled with appreciative grown folks that are attentive and wide open to having a great time.

Make sure to come out next week Shawn Morgan from who's got jokes will be performing
and if you are just being a hater and aren't showing up ...here's a final picture for you
feel free to sit and spin...

The Return of Thursday Night Live

2009-01-07T19:56:00.003-05:00

If you haven't heard the news ... it's back on and poppin' on Thursday Nights in Cleveland for some of the best that urban comedy has to offer . I'll be your host and mc ...
This week we welcome Comedian Bo P from BET Comicview and Def Comedy Jam.
Truly one of the funniest country boys you'll ever see .. make sure to come out and support .

Mannish and Proud of it

2009-01-07T05:45:00.004-05:00

2009 has begun and I'm declaring war on all bitchassiness. The country is at a all time high in pussification and I'm doing my part in eradicating it from the world and beg all men to step up and do the same . I'm starting off by boycotting the Oxygen Channel, Home Improvement Cable and any other shows that glorifies sissy ass television.
What happened where the airwaves has been polluted with all of this punk programming?
They have parental controls where your kids can't see folks enjoying normal heterosexual behavior but Queer Eye for the Straight Guy is left unmonitored. WTF ?
Of course I'm sure that people in the new rainbow coalition will find fault with this post but if they can take a dong in the duke chute, I feel they should be able to take a joke ....
Have a blessed day !!!

My Commitment ... a song

2009-01-07T02:16:00.003-05:00

I was in London a couple of years ago performing and I came across a very talented lady Teish O'Day whom is really making her mark in the world of soulful singing. If you have never heard of her do yourself a favor and get her stuff.. she got pipes!!!
Here is one of her tunes " My Commitment " Of course I'm sure many that have dated me would be like how in the hell could I like the song it's the anti thesis to everything they believe me capable of .... smile !
Stop the hating dig the lyrics I would beg of my naysayers

My New Years Resolution

2009-01-01T00:01:00.000-05:00

I normally don't disclose my new years resolutions to the masses . To be honest it's because I don't ever make false promises to myself that before January ends I have failed at miserably to keep.
That's all that New Years Resolutions end up being, a reminder of just how easy it is not to keep your word even to you own damn self.
Truth be told I have normally fucked up my resolutions before the clock strikes 12:01 am on New Years Day.

Don't dwell on the past !!!
That's right I'm not going to look in the rear view mirror of life and talk about the shit that happened. So my rants and raves won't be about Ex Girlfriend's Baby Mamma's My Kids , Bills , Debt or any of the things that I have been making a living off of commenting about for the past 18 years.

As I write this I'm trying to figure out what in the hell I'm supposed to make material out of if it isn't about what has happened to me and the world around me ?
Maybe I can write about the shit that might happen to me ... I would be the first comedic clairvoyant.

RIP EARTHA KITT

2008-12-25T19:27:00.003-05:00

When I was growing up and a major Batman fan . My father used to loose his mind when she would appear as Catwoman. I didn't understand why he was in such an uproar. I was like it's the replacement for the real Catwoman relax ...
My father explained to me the significance of a sista being in such a role in the 60's plus she was as he so put it ..FINE AS SHIT!!
She has been called home at the age of 81 .

Jingle Bells and all that shhhhhhh

2008-12-22T15:37:00.003-05:00

I'm wishing everyone in the entire blogosphere a Happy Holiday Season... so no matter what you celebrate enjoy yourself ...
if you are an atheist ..
I don't know what in the hell to tell ya ...

I guess you can watch believers have fun ...

A Great Letter ...

2008-12-13T18:24:00.000-05:00

Cortney,

Thanks for the pictures of Champagne. I love to see new pictures of Molly's siblings and hear how they're doing.
I was finally getting around to writing back when I saw your next e-mail with the sad news about Don Gotti.
I'm sorry for your loss. It can be just like losing a family member. I consider my dogs to be my adopted family.
My wife and I have been fortunate that the dogs we've had before, have lived long and healthy lives.
We got to enjoy each of them 10 to 14 years but it makes it even harder when they go.
When we lost of our last Rottie, it was so painful, we were hesitant to ever get another dog.
It took 2 years before we decided that we had to have a dog in our lives.
Inevitably, there will pain and loss in the future, but we can't pass up all the love that a dog brings into the present.
I'm thankful for your Gotti too - without him, we wouldn't have our Molly.

You should know by now to be cautious when asking for any new pictures.
I love showing off pictures of our girl and I might clog your e-mail inbox.
Let's start with 2 'old' pictures to see Molly's progress.
Back when Molly was only a few months old, she has loved this one chair.
From the time she was first able to climb up into it, she has always preferred to sleep in it.
Now, that was not a problem when she was only 4 months old...

But as you can see, at 1 and a half years old and about 85 pounds, it's somewhat comical...

Molly is such a good dog. She's happy and loves to play with a ball or a Frisbee or rubber toy, etc.

I'm so glad my wife got a Rottie a few months after we got Molly so she always has someone to play with.
They get along great and are constantly playing tug-o-war with something - a ball, sock, each other's ear...

When they're not chewing on a toy or each other, they also like to dig holes in the back yard.
One hole looked like they were making an escape tunnel to China.

(It looks like they're admiring their work or they expect something to come crawling out)

Sometimes, they just 'chill' with each other - they're really good friends.
They like sitting up high on the stairs inside looking down on us...

Or sitting up on the hill in the back yard looking out on the neighborhood.

Molly has only been with us for a little more than a year, but we can't imagine being without her.
She's so friendly - everyone laughs about how she wags her whole body when she meets them.
And boy is she smart. She'll come and tell us when Ripley is doing something she shouldn't be doing.
And she's learned a strategy that works if Ripley won't give her a toy.
She goes to get another toy, chews it enthusiastically by Ripley and then 'accidentally' drops it.
Ripley lunges for it and then Molly gets the one she wants.
She's learned many other 'tricks'. Maybe next e-mail, I'll put together some pictures of them all.

Thanks again for providing us with such a great companion.

Mark and Helen

The Passing On Of A Great Friend...

2008-12-09T01:19:00.001-05:00

I'm sad to announce the death of my friend and canine companion Celebrity's Don Gotti .

All that have had the pleasure of meeting him realize why it is such a dark day at my home. He surpassed all the expectations I had of him. I was new to this wonderful breed and Gotti was the reason why I went from casual pet owner to full fledged corso enthusiast.
If there is such a thing as pets going to heaven I wish him well on his journey . Believe me when I say I hope to see him again for on this earthly plane he made our time together so enjoyable I would dig to spend eternity in that kind of company
Farewell Friend ...

This Tuesday @ The UnderGround Steven Flye

2008-12-04T13:08:00.004-05:00

This Tuesday I'm proud to have one of my real partners in comedy crime to be headlining. Steve Flye has performed on BET Comicview and Loco Slam

We toured Iraq and Afghanistan together I'm for real when I say this brother set the stage on fire. So make sure to make it a point to have yourself at the show .
Tuesday Night Live @ The Underground for tickets go to this link...
http://clubundergrounddowntown.com/events.html

Griff from the ATL came and ripped the stage ... and any fool dumb enough to try him on the mic

2008-12-04T12:59:00.002-05:00

If you missed this week's show at The UnderGround ya missed it .. believe.
Griff came and ripped the stage . He is a veteran of the stage and radio but for some reason a patron decided to try his hand at matching Griff's wit and got his ass served . The crowd had a great time .

Tuesday Night Live

2008-11-24T03:42:00.003-05:00

Come out and enjoy the comedy stylings of Sherman Golden . Funny Funny Brother ...

some stuffs just whisks by me

2008-11-24T03:34:00.002-05:00

You know for years i have had a a huge crush on Wanda Sykes ... mostly because I wanted to hear that squeeky voice if we ever did it. OK it's not a fantasy I have shared with many . I just always found her to be quite adorable.

Well now my fantasy has become all but a impossibility seeing she has officially come out . I'm not against her choice I wish her well and still think she is very f*cking funny. Now I just realize why she never paid attention to my advances.

On a lighter note ... it feels good when a woman doesn't pay you attention and you can wipe your brow and say well she doesn't want my ass cause she don't do guys.
" the opinions of this blog do represent my opinions and I accept responsibility for the dumb things I write"

of course i still love Wanda and wish her well on her marriage .

Tuesday was off the chain

2008-11-19T12:25:00.003-05:00

Like I told ya'll Jeff B. did his thing . He is an old school chicago act to be reckoned with. The crowd is starting to come over from the Thursday Show hopefully soon I will have the same following here as I did there... hint hint hint .

Not only do I invite you to the show but the lovely Holly asks you to come ...
and if you ignore both of our request for your presence you can kiss her beautiful ....

This Tuesday @ The UnderGround

2008-11-14T23:01:00.005-05:00

Yeah as by now you know I've moved my comedy caravan to the Underground (the old Club 75). If you aren't too busy or tied down.. come bring yourself down to enjoy some real grown folk humor.
This weeks headliner is Jeff B from Chicago.

ThrowBack Thursday

2008-11-14T01:19:00.002-05:00

Just couldn't help but put this one up....
Enjoy

Historical Election

2008-11-05T11:24:00.002-05:00

No need for words ... If you received as many text messages as I did last night or talked to people on phones screaming like there was not just an election but another emancipation proclamation I'm sure you feel me ... Congrats to the Obama's and all their supporters.

The Midget Joke is Gonna Get me slapped

2008-11-03T02:07:00.002-05:00

Last Thursday Night was a real fun show . I was doing my thing on stage and of course when I looked into the crowd and saw this cute little lady with her boyfriend I was apprehensive about doing my naughty little people bit....

The Jack Daniels and the gall that I innately own pushed me to keep it real and push the limits ...

Thursday Night Live : Dexter Angry

2008-11-02T13:54:00.000-05:00

This week the headliner is Dexter Angry He has been seen on Last Comic Standing Def Comedy Jam and BET Comicview.
Dude is super super funny and there actually is nothing Angry about his act ...

Jigga Hit The Town .. how bout dat shhhhhhh

2008-10-29T22:18:00.001-04:00

and I had the gift and the curse thing going just like he did on The BluePrint 2. The Curse was that I was unable to attend the concert though I had great seats whom I gifted to my folks seeing I was blessed with the Blue Magic cooked up in my basement . Yep Portia my gray brindle protector and companion hooked it up.Because it's too early to give a final count but I will say this Jay would understand I had the uncut funk and couldn't stop business for mere pleasure .

This week's headliner Zooman!!!

2008-10-27T22:09:00.004-04:00

I had the pleasure of being a member of one the most talented amateur stand up crews to ever grace the stages in this country. Hell I might be the last one not to get the gold or see the top of the mountain top. " Chris Tucker , Don " DC" Curry, Bruce Bruce , Earthquake , Sommore, Monique, Arnez J ...

Zooman was down with us back then and when I tell you Zoo is the real deal I ain'tnlying ya dig.

This New Jersey Native and Atlanta Resident has made appearances on all the urban and mainstream shows . You don't want to miss ZOO!!!

This Week's Headliner ... Bam Bamm

2008-10-21T02:22:00.004-04:00

Sam Sylk's Thursday Night Live at the Cleveland Improv

welcomes Richmond's Favorite Son ...Micha "Bam Bamm" White will be gracing the stage along with Cleveland Favorite Rob Allen... this show is going to be off the chain. If you haven't seen Bam Bamm when he appeared on Comicview here's a clip of a funny bit

Check out this video: Legalize It - Comedian Micah "Bam-Bamm" White

Bam Bamm and Rob Allen two headliner show for the low low price of 10 bucks and hosted by Comicview AllStar Cortney Gee ...

gas prices are high good comedy shouldn't be ..

Where in the world have I been ?

2008-10-19T23:11:00.003-04:00

And what have I been into ?

Well last week found me playing the Columbus FunnyBone and Cleveland Improv with Kenny Howell . Both shows were off the chain ... Kenny Howell did his thing .

Sam Sylk and I were lucky enough to have our largest crowd attend . Loren Wright( new free agent acquisition of the cavaliers) was there and Guy Torry came through on Thursday and blessed the stage .

Saturday night found me in Colorado Springs performing for the good folks there . Too much Jack and too early of a wake up call helped me to miss my flight and I ended up spending an extra day in The Springs .

My weekend recapped

2008-10-19T20:37:00.002-04:00

This is your main man Cortney Gee putting you down and keeping the 216 in the 411 when it comes to the wrap up of the weekend recap
Now the big political news jumped off on meet the pressed when Colin Powell introduced himself as a real ninja and gave props and his support to the Democratic Nomninee Barak Obama. Which completely flipped the script seeing Colin Powell is a republican served on Bushes cabinet and probably doesnt know the chorus to not one funkadelic song... McCain wasn't phased by the news he was too busy explaining why he was making such a big to do about an american voter dubbed Joe The Plumber .. who's real name isn't Joe but Samuel and who pals around with a plumber and doesn't own a plumber's license in the state of ohio.

Celebrity Relationships hit snags and one in particular tanked. Rumor has it that Chris Brown better look over his shoulder or hire Kanye West as his producer so he can know where he is . Young Mr Brown's sexy siren Rihanna was seen lap dancing and tongue wrestling with the Rockafella Artist . The way I see it either Chris Brown is gong to have to gangster up or bow out ....

Madonna and her hubby Guy Ritchie finally part ways . They had weathered the A Rod accusations and the hectic work and workout schedules of the Material Girl. I believe that this will be a smooth divorce seeing that both got cash and don't need to come up off the other one . What I am interested in seeing is who gets the black baby they adopted from africa.

Browns fans weren't too happy with the offensive letdown in the ugly 14-11 loss to the redskins . But if it's any consolation the Cowboys got spanked by the Rams which is always a way to put a smile on my face. The Cavs posted their first preseason win against the Philadelphia 76ers . Newly acquired shooting point guard Mo Williams got ejected for expressing his disapproval of the refs call.. big ups to Mo for having passion even in the preseason.

The pride of Youngstown Kelly Pavlik got his ass whupped by the less than spry 43 year old middleweight legend Bernard The Executioner Hopkins in a non title light heavyweight bout .

from ancient champions to youngsters that rule their world this weekend I watched Chaz Ortiz win a skateboard competition. Don't ask me why I was watching a skateboard competition but i was . Chaz is 14 years old and 95,000 richer after being crowned this years Mountain Dew AST Tour King.

Locally Warrensville Hts Homecoming game was a real battle as the Shaw Cardinals ruined it for the Tigers winning 22-21 in three overtimes.

Internationally a couple has been sentenced to 3 months in a Dubai jail for having sex on a public beach . When I read this I thought about how much time I would have recieved if I had been caught up at whitney young jr high park in my 77 New Yorker.
They are challenging the sentence saying that it's archaic law and should be abolished . For those thinking that this is ancient and should be done away with check this out in the state of Georgia it is actually still on the lawbooks that it's illegal to have oral or anal sex .. punishable by imprisonment . Ironically in prison you can get all the oral and anal sex you desire or dont desire.

Well that's the weekend recap in a wrap.... consider yourself in the 411

Somethings Just keep making me laugh , out loud dammit

2008-10-19T20:31:00.002-04:00

of course this is kinda racy and I apologize to whom it might offend ...

hilfuginlarious !!!

I'm getting old ...correction I'm ancient

2008-10-14T01:55:00.004-04:00

This Saturday I was sitting on my couch watching television and then I get a call from Brian Dennis a promoter who produces college shows. The students of Kent State University were having a homecoming comedy show and he asked if I was interested in hosting the performance which included Arvin Mitchell , Deon Cole and Deray Davis . I had the option of making some loot or saying no because I don't feel that my humor is geared toward a younger audience . Seeing that child support was due on Tuesday it didn't make any sense to stand on principle.
I went to KSU and set the stage on fire passing the torch to each comic who ripped the audience with their own personal comedic styles.

After the show it was funny how the students were asking me things like , "Mr. Cortney can I take a picture with you ?"

The midget joke went over well .... well except with one of the audience members..

Cleveland ROCKS... the Super Bowl Champs .

2008-10-14T01:36:00.003-04:00

Yeah I said it ... The Browns are now 2-0 in a new 14 game season. The way they spanked the World's Champs have given this town new hope. DA finally showed that he was deserving of the huge contract he just signed and silenced the bring Brady Quinn's McCain supporting ass off the bench cries.

This Week's Headliner ...Kenny Howell

2008-10-13T23:17:00.003-04:00

Thursday Nightis going to be way Live with the super funny Kenny Howell doing his thing . This Chicago native has been seen on every comedy show imaginable .

If you aren't doing anything @10 pm I suggest you get your ass down to the Improv.

Dougie was Fresh....

2008-10-10T13:47:00.000-04:00

Doug Williams the host of Martin Lawrence's 1st Amendment came to town and ripped the stage . If you hear that he is in your town you should make it a point to support !

ThrowBack Thursday

2008-10-09T09:59:00.002-04:00

There are many in the mucis business that sale tons of records and have little if no talent . Engineered hit makers .. then there are real vocalist Rahsaan Patterson is one of those few that really can sing ... he ain't really a throwback but the dude got skills

Obama is so close ...

2008-10-08T08:07:00.005-04:00

I'm sure that America still isn't quite ready for having a brother in the White House , but it seems that it's so close to being a reality that we all must consider certain things that could go on in Washington with the Main Man not being the THE MAN ya dig ...

Brother Richard gave us a glimpse in 77'

Dick Gregory gives an apology to Black President

Classic Comedy .. Flip Wilson

2008-10-08T07:58:00.001-04:00

Many don't remember when Flip Wilson was the KING OF COMEDY .. here's a sample of his comedic genius

Somethings Just keep making me laugh , out loud dammit

2008-10-08T07:08:00.002-04:00

The Chappelle Show was quite the television program to get your laugh on. Some of it was so outlandish it was hard to watch in mixed company for fear that they might be laughing at the same thing you were that was supposed to be just for the family ya dig ....
Charlie Murphy's True Stories about his dealing with Prince and Rick James were always a hoot ...

Miles is 16 years old now

2008-10-06T02:07:00.003-04:00

Damn the countdown is on.. two more years and Miles is a grown well kinda grown man .
Hard to believe it , maybe I'm just in disbelief cause the older he gets the more mature I become . 2 more years on the CS books Miles you better enjoy it son !!!
I know I have enjoyed watching him grow into the solid young man he has.